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“You enter the extraordinary by way of the ordinary.” ~Frederick Buechner

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Sample Feedback: Betta’s Song Chapter One Excerpt 2

Workshop: An Introduction to Writing for Children and Young Adults

Attack (2)

“Are you not afraid of Balak? Sometimes I think he makes the boys throw things at me. No one tries to hurt me except when he is there.” She felt a thin line of moisture form along her forehead. Drops glistened against the thick, black hair pulled back from her face exposing her hairline scar. She continued to tremble and her hands shook.
Betta rested her hand on Narah’s shoulder. Betta hesitated. “Narah, you have not fainted for several months now.”
Narah’s slight body still shook. “Will there…..will there be many people tomorrow, Betta?”
            “Yes, but you need not speak to anyone, Narah, if you do not wish to. You can stay by my side at all times. You may find that your fear of people has left you now that you are eleven and there no one will know you. No one will bother to tease you or try to frighten you. We are all going to hear the prophet. That is on everyone’s mind. Remember we will spend time with Timon, too.” Betta chuckled. “Won’t he be surprised to see us!”
            Narah clasped her hands together. “Oh Betta, I can’t wait to see his face. I shall fix him his favorite flowers from the stream. Will there be room in the cart?”
            “I’m sure we can fit them in. Be careful, the bank is slippery.”
            “How do you know?” Narah asked. Then she pointed at her grandmother’s canes. “There’s bits of mud on the bottoms. Betta, you are not supposed to go to the stream without me.”
“I did not,” Betta smiled. “I just hobbled along the top edge. It is such a pretty day. I do need some of the tall willow grass near rock point. The large basket still has to be edged, and if I can finish today, it will dry tomorrow while we are gone.”
            Narah smiled and Elizabeth murmured a prayer of thanksgiving for protection, then she hugged Narah. “Go now to pick your flowers for Timon and a handful of grass for me.”
            Narah blinked at the bright sun as she stepped outside. First she looked toward the village, but the pathway was empty. She glanced at the only other hut set apart with theirs from the other villagers. Iscah, their friend, dozed in the shade rocking her new baby. Her three year old, Jael, sucking her thumb, slept beside her. Narah smiled. Even when asleep, Jael must dream of food.

Share: What positive or negative personality trigger points do you identify for each character? Why?

Read deep, marcy

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